1 The Plot Is Playing It Safe by Being Identical to the Original
We get that there has to be some similarities to the original for continuity purposes. If we wanted to watch an entirely brand-new show, we could hypothetically just watch Scream Queens and call it a day. However, the plot is nearly identical to the original; DJ, Stephanie, and Kimmy are the new Danny, Joey, and Jesse.
John Stamos revealed in an interview that they almost went a different direction with the plot of the show. He told the series creator, Jeff Franklin, in an interview: “In the beginning, there was a lot of talk of having the girls move into an apartment and do a Sex and the City kind of thing. We thought of everything. Then we were like, ‘No, we have to rebuild that house.'”
2 How Is It Possible That DJ Tanner’s Life Is Exactly the Same as Her Dad’s?
Candice Cameron Bure revealed in an interview with Hollywood Reporter that the premise of Fuller House is going to be identical to the beginnings of Full House. Like Danny Tanner before her, Cameron Bure’s character, DJ, is going to be a widowed mother of three at the beginning of the series. She turns to her sister, Stephanie Tanner, and their former next-door neighbor, Kimmy Gibbler, to help raise her family. Netflix originally intended for DJ to be pregnant with her third child in the first episode of the new series, but decided that the concept was “too dark” for the show.
What are the odds that Danny Tanner and DJ Tanner would lead such parallel lives? What are the odds that the daughter of a widower, forced to look after his ever-growing family in a small, suburban house would grow up to live out the same fate? We get that they’re trying to draw a parallel that viewers will relate to, but come on. Couldn’t they have been just a little more imaginative?
3 There’s Really No Reason Why Anybody Needs to Whip/Nae Nae
In a bizarre Facebook promotional video, Candice Cameron Bure, Andrea Gibson, and Jodie Sweetin prove that they’ve been locked away in a weird Full House time capsule somewhere by dancing to “Watch Me (Whip/Nae Nae)” by Silentó. We get that they’re trying to appeal to a new generation of Fuller House fans, but these kinds of desperate grabs for the youth vote are especially cringe-worthy.
4 Michelle Tanner Will Not Be Coming Back
In the most-discussed piece of news surrounding the Netflix reboot, Mary-Kate and Ashley have declined to be in the show. Executive producer, Bob Boyett, told PEOPLE magazine that, “Ashley said, ‘I have not been in front of a camera since I was 17, and I don’t feel comfortable acting.’ Mary-Kate said, ‘It would have to be me, because Ashley doesn’t want to do it. But the timing is so bad for us.”
We’re kind of bummed out about the idea of the Tanner family sans-Michelle. She was the best character because she clearly had the best sense of style, the best jokes, and the most adorable one-liners in the entire series. The idea of Fuller House happening without Michelle’s signature, “You’ve got it dude!” is incredibly bleak, especially for fans of her loud ’90s sweaters.
5 The Characters Haven’t Really Grown or Changed
Although it’s nice that Fuller House is holding on to many of the same values and character traits as its predecessor, we kind of wish that they would have had the characters change and grow a bit more. It doesn’t seem like enough of a solid character development that Stephanie Tanner is now a “free-spirit,” or that Kimmy Gibbler has stopped wearing neon color-blocked scrunchies. Perhaps more in-depth character changes will be revealed later in the series, but for now, everyone seems like they’re pretty much in the same place as they were when we left off with them 20 years ago.
6 We Are Very Tired of Hearing About Jodie Sweetin’s Former Meth Addiction
After Full House ended in 1995, Jodie Sweetin’s life took a turn for the worst when she became addicted to crystal meth. Sweetin wrote all about her issues with drugs and alcohol in her 2009 memoir, unSweetined. She admitted to trying wine for the first time at Full House co-star Candice Cameron Bure’s wedding, and allegedly did a bunch of coke at one of Mary-Kate and Ashley’s film release parties.
All of the press surrounding Fuller House has been a great excuse for tabloids, magazines, and entertainment news sites to dig up all the gritty details of Sweetin’s past and use them to get people interested in the show. We’ve been hearing about how the aftermath of Full House destroyed her life since 2009, and it’s kind of old news at this point. If we see one more article that uses Sweetin’s past drug addiction to draw viewers in for the Full House reboot, we’re going to lose it. It’s a cheap ploy, and frankly, we’re sick of talking about it.
7 They’re Already Reusing All the Same Old Catchphrases
We definitely need to hear “cut it out!” or “you got it, dude!” one or two times in the new series to feel that little flare of nostalgia, but we really hope they’re not going to overdo it. Coming up with a couple of new, fun catchphrases could really save the show from relying too heavily on the prequel’s most famous quotes. There’s nothing more annoying than a sequel that can’t come up with its own jokes.
8 DJ, Stephanie, and Kimmy All Have Perfect Hair, and It’s Super Annoying
This promo picture of DJ, Stephanie, and Kimmy is super annoying because their hair is perfect, and it isn’t fair. If any of us tried to raise our fatherless children in a revolving door house alongside Bob Saget, our hair would definitely not look anywhere near as angelic as theirs. While we respect these ladies for somehow banding together to conjure the strength to get Brazilian blowouts in the stressful mix of raising children, maintaining successful careers, and somehow not strangling Kimmy for wearing that super cliche cat sweater, we’d like to see a more realistic side of Fuller House.
Where are their stretch marks and baggy eyelids? Where are their grey streaks and baby food-stained t-shirts? Why aren’t any of them drinking heavily? Although Uncle Jesse’s perfectly coiffed locks were rarely flustered by any family drama in Full House, we expect that from him. DJ, Stephanie, and Kimmy can’t just gain our respect by having perfectly stenciled lip liner and tousled, beachy waves.
9 They Are Trying to Replace Comet, Which Simply Cannot Be Done
We’re not sure if the puppy in the promotional photos that Fuller House’s Facebook page released is the Tanner family’s newest pet, or a stowaway from DJ’s new veterinary practice, but we see what the show is trying to do here. They’re trying to sneak a new dog into the picture to fill the void that Comet left in our hearts when the dog who played him passed away, and we’re not having it. Did they really need to replace one of the most iconic dogs in television history with a cheap, albeit fluffy, knock-off? There are at least two other dogs featured in the promotional videos that have been released so far, and we’re skeptical about all of them. No dog alive can replace Comet.
10 Even the Show’s Name, “Fuller House,” Has Us Like, Ugh
Whatever genius over at Netflix came up with the name “Fuller House” is probably relaxing by the pool at his Beverly Hills mansion right now, counting his millions and reveling in his excellent show-naming decisions. Everyone else on planet earth, however, is cringing at this reboot’s title.
Fuller House. Really? Could they honestly not think of a more creative title? Is the house truly even going to be “fuller,” despite Michelle Tanner’s absence? Are Bob Saget, John Stamos, and Dave Coulier going to suddenly move in with Kimmy Gibbler and DJ & Stephanie Tanner? How full is this house going to be, exactly?
11 The Clothing Choices in Fuller House Are Too Normal
Remember the days when Kimmy Gibbler used to dress in outrageous, color-blocked outfits? DJ Tanner’s wardrobe was made of the stuff that only real ’90s kids dreamed about, and don’t even get us started on Michelle Tanner’s jean jacket and plastic sunglasses combo. The outfits on Full House used to be inspiring, quirky, and sometimes downright ridiculous. We’ve seen promo photos of Fuller House, and none of the wardrobe choices are even half as rad as the character costumes from the original. If we wanted to see Candice Cameron Bure in a fitted business-casual dress, we’d turn on reruns of The View.
