What would Andy and Barney say about presidential choices?

Imagine if you will that Andy Taylor, the sheriff of the ’60s TV show “The Andy Griffith Show” has just found out the results of the Mayberry primary election for mayor, and the names of the two candidates who will be struggling it out in the fall election to be the new mayor. Otis Campbell, “the town drunk,” was unopposed on the Democratic ticket, but Floyd Lawson, “the town barber,” lost to Ernest T. Bass, “the brick throwing hillbilly” by a landslide on the Republican ticket.

Barney, Andy’s faithful deputy, rushes into the jail and screams, “Ange, what are we gonna do? This can’t be right, you need to do something!” as he reaches for his lone bullet for his pistol in his shirt pocket .

Andy is also in a quandary, but replies, “Barney, we may not like it, but the people have spoken out with their vote, and voting in this country has got us through many years and much larger catastrophes than this. But we need to figure out the pros and cons of these candidates and try to help our choice get elected.”

Barney agrees, and starts with Otis Campbell. “Well, he has been married to the same woman for years, no sign of domestic abuse. He isn’t drunk all the time, mainly on weekends. He does respect our authority, takes our advice, is respectful to everyone and locks himself up when he has a snootful.”

Next, Andy evaluates Ernest T. Bass. “Well, he can lift a mule, so we know he is strong. He is saving up for a gold tooth, he is the best rock thrower in the county by far, and if he likes a female, he will try to snatch her up and take her to his cabin, and if he is mad at you, he will throw a rock through your window and harass you endlessly.”

Barney turns to Andy and says, “Looks like it’s Otis.”
Andy replies, “Yep. Sometimes Barn, you have to go with the lesser of the two evils.”